Autoclave

"And I am this great, unstable mass of blood and foam
And no emotion that’s worth having could call my heart its home
My heart’s an autoclave"

I left my phone at home today, but strangely it felt the same as if I had it. Time was on slow motion all day till I came home, now it moves too fast. Funny how that works, eh? I don't really know what to do with myself anymore, so when all the 9 hours of free though are going on, I come to the conclusion that I don't want to do anything. All this nothing is getting me somewhere though. I keep saving and saving up money. Hearing about one of my friends getting a job that pays 13.25 an hour to sell knives made me feel a little hopeful at finding a job when I move. I guess the worst thing on my mind has been not being able to find a job that pays enough to sustain living. Another thing on my mind is recently one of the employees at my work ended up working for over 20 hours straight, without sleep or leaving work. He smiled...he was okay with this, okay with the cycle...as many are I'm sure. It's probably no big deal but it put me into one of those downward spirals of thinking "the meaning of life" over and over paired up with him being so happy with all his overtime. I wanted to kill myself just thinking about it. Now that that's all over with, I guess I'm feeling stable again. I was supposed to get a record today, but it never came.. Damn USPS! I'll also be selling my record player on craigslist for $40. Hopefully someone ends up buying it, because I really need another one. I need something for usb recording...I need a Fender Jazzmaster. I need a new mic to record from my guitar amp. I need ALL of my guitars to be adjusted, necks bent. I NEED!!!!

And also, a show sometime soon would be nice...but after checking 4 or 5 venues I found nothing.



I had this dream weeks ago...I woke up and looked outside my studio apartment and everything was bright and beautiful. I was living above a coffee shop in a very historic area of an unknown city. There were people riding bikes around, someone playing acoustic guitar outside, an oceans in the distance.... I guess this was my escape from the cold lifelessness that is in Ohio right now.